


I Walk With Your Soul (Until the End of the World)

by FarAwayInWonderland



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Betrayal, Bodyswap, Happy Ending, Hate Sex, Loss of Trust, M/M, Sad Ending, The Happy Ending Is Literally Just Smut With A Little Bit Of Plot, This Fic Has Two Different Endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-18 03:55:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8148337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarAwayInWonderland/pseuds/FarAwayInWonderland
Summary: “Holy, fucking, shit!” he shouted as he looked in the mirror that Mike had placed on the other side of the room, opposite of his bed (Harvey had never understood that, after all not even he wanted to see himself straight out of bed) and saw not himself, but Mike: Dishevelled blonde hair (like he had just a marathon of hot sex behind him, but Harvey didn’t think about that, not at all), sleepy blue eyes, pale white skin, gangly legs and arms and just plaid boxershorts and a white t-shirt.
  Slowly – because Harvey just couldn’t believe it; it was just too ludicrous – he lifted on arm over his head and the Mike in the mirror did exactly the same. He moved one leg, Mike followed suit.OR: The Marvey bodyswap!AU someone actually asked for.





	1. Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Say hello to me on [tumblr.](http://godamnmikeross.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  **Warning** : There´s one specific warning concerning this fic which you´ll find in the notes at the end of this fic. 
> 
> This fic will have two endings - a sad and a happy one - of which only the former has been written already. I´m posting this at work, so this isn´t proof- or beta-read.
> 
> This is for the Marvey WA-chat that just keeps on inspiring me. Love you, girls <3

The moment he woke up Harvey knew that something was wrong.  

He couldn’t exactly pinpoint what, but years of practicing law, rubbing elbows with the liars and the deceitful had left him with a sixth sense that enabled him to notice when something wasn’t right, even though by all accounts it should be.  

That´s why he just knew that something wasn’t as it was supposed to be even before he opened his eyes. When Harvey finally opened them, the first thing he noticed was that the room he had woken up in wasn’t his bedroom. No, the ceiling was too low, the light completely wrong – too artificial, to white – and the rigidity of the mattress was all wrong.  

Harvey knew the room, though; had looked into it a few times when he had visited the person whom the adjacent flat belonged to. This revelation led him to the next, more important question: What was he doing in Mike´s bedroom? Carefully, Harvey extricated himself from the sheets and sat on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his temple, trying to ward off the headache that he could feel coming. When he looked up, though, Harvey couldn’t suppress the curse that made it past his lips.  

“Holy, fucking, shit!” he shouted as he looked in the mirror that Mike had placed on the other side of the room, opposite of his bed (Harvey had never understood that, after all not even he wanted to see himself straight out of bed) and saw not himself, but Mike: Dishevelled blonde hair _(like he had just a marathon of hot sex behind him, but Harvey didn’t think about that, not at all)_ , sleepy blue eyes, pale white skin, gangly legs and arms and just plaid boxershorts and a white t-shirt.  

Slowly – because Harvey just couldn’t believe it; it was just too ludicrous – he lifted on arm over his head and the Mike in the mirror did exactly the same. He moved on leg, Mike followed suit.  

“Holy fucking shit,” Harvey repeated dumbfounded. Only now did he notice that it wasn’t his voice that spoke – the deep, resounding bass he was used too – but Mike´s voice, the voice he loved to imagine screaming his name _(‘Harvey! Harder, Harvey!’)_.  

This, Harvey thought, was more than just fucked up. It should be scientifically impossible, for God´s sake! How the hell did Mike and he just exchange bodies? More important, though, how should they get their respective bodies back again? It was at exactly this moment that Mike´s phone on the nightstand began to ring. Or was it Harvey´s phone now, the lawyer asked himself. Neither state nor federal law defined if ownership went with body or mind.  

Harvey picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID: _Harvey_. He touched the green button and accepted the call: “Yeah?”  

“Oh my God, Harvey, is that you?” It was a surreal experience to hear his own voice through a phone that he was holding at his ear. Even more so as Harvey would never allow himself to sound so panicked and desperate.  

“It´s me, Mike,” Harvey replied.  

“So, this isn´t just a weird dream?” Mike asked and Harvey could practically hear the hope drain out of his voice.  

“Afraid not,” he said, but before Mike could work himself into a despondent mood, Harvey continued on.  

“We need a game plan,” he said, “we can´t just hide until whatever this is sorts itself out.”  

“We can´t?” Mike tried to joke, but Harvey could hear – even though it was his own voice – that Mike was seriously contemplating it. And to be honest, it sounded tempting to just stick his head under his covers and lock the world out until everything was how it was supposed to be. But painful experience had Harvey taught that the world didn’t allow itself to be shut out until you were ready for it. And if you weren’t prepared it would swallow you whole.  

“We need to show up at work,” Harvey continued.  

“Harvey, we can´t!” Mike hissed into the phone. “What if anybody notices? I´d have to deal with all of your clients; hell, I´d have to deal with Jessica!” Somehow Harvey had this feeling that the latter terrified Mike more than his clients did. As it rightfully should.  

“Mike,” Harvey said. “No one who notices a little discrepancy in our behaviour will instantly jump to the conclusion that we somehow swapped bodies.”  

“Donna would,” Mike pouted.  

“No, not even Donna,” Harvey disagreed, though he had to suppress the urge to cross himself for that sacrilegious statement. “We just have to keep up the charade until we find a way to get our bodies back.” A short moment of silence.  

“You know,” Mike started, “of all the weird conversation I imagined us having, this one has never come up.”  

“Just dress up and come to work,” Harvey replied fondly. Then he hung up.  

Only then he registered that Mike had said _I imagined us having_. So, Mike was having imaginary conversations with him? Probably re-enacting all the arguments they have had in their working relationship, trying to dismantle Harvey´s flawless argumentation.  

Harvey opened Mike´s closet and rummaged through the other man´s clothes in order to find himself something to dress up in that was remotely up to his standards. Thankfully Harvey had insisted at the start of them working together that Mike replaced his Macey´s and Target suits with real suits from René which didn’t make Harvey´s skin crawl just from looking at them. Sadly, same could not be said of Mike´s impressively large collection of ties. Which were all skinny. 

“It can´t be that there isn’t one single normal tie,” Harvey cursed under his breath as he pulled out one tie after another and threw them on the ground _(He´d clean the mess up later)_. He had already given up all hope – and nearly emptied Mike´s whole closet – when his hand wrapped itself around something that definitely wasn’t a skinny tie. Retracting his hand, Harvey recognized the normal tie which he had bought Mike the first time they had been to René. That had been nearly two years ago.  

Satisfied that he now got his outfit complete, Harvey turned around only to stop dead in his tracks when the revelation hit him about what he had to do now: He had to change. He had to unclothe Mike´s body which would inevitable destroy the pathetic remnants of professional distance that still lingered between them. Harvey looked down on the white t-short and the plaid boxershorts and wondered how those small pieces of clothes could form such a huge barrier that separated their easy comradery from eternal awkwardness.  

Fretting over it wouldn’t help, though, and as Harvey wasn’t a person to shy away from challenges, he just did it as fast as possible, doing his uttermost best to _not_ look down while changed. It was a little bit difficult, but five minutes later he stood there immaculate – or as immaculate as you could get Mike´s body: one of Mike´s suits that wasn’t wrinkled, an ironed shirt, the normal tie, cufflinks with which Mike never bothered and Harvey even managed to get the hair in a form that resembled some kind of order.  

But just as Harvey was ready to leave the next problem presented itself: His mode of commuting, or rather his lack thereof, because Harvey would rather die than taking Mike´s bike – in New York´s traffic he probably would die on that bike, he had no clue how Mike survived coming into work on that death trap every day.  

In the end Harvey took the underground, an experience he hadn’t suffered through since he had started to earn enough to afford a driving service. He didn’t touch anything and neither sat he down, too afraid of the bacteria and other wildlife that had evolved on every surface. There actually was a grown-up man in a fairy costume opposite of him and Harvey was sure that the crying baby a few seats further down had eyed him up.  

In the end it took him over an hour to get to Pearson Hardman, curtesy of MTA changing the route system since he last had to use it, so he nearly ended in Queens instead of Downtown Manhattan. The only light in this darkness was that he at least wouldn’t get berated for it as he was Mike´s superior, even though they were currently in different bodies.  

Harvey was on his way to his office when he was intercepted by Rachel Zane. Harvey didn’t know much about her, only that she apparently was the best paralegal they had, the daughter of Robert Zane and that she spent too much time with Mike, at least in Harvey´s opinion. Every time he saw Mike and the woman together something ugly reared its head in Harvey´s mind and his mood instantly darkened. Neither Rachel nor Mike should have time for idle chit-chat or…other activities, they should devout all their time to the work they were actually paid for.  

“Mike!” Zane called out and Harvey took a few steps further until he remembered that she meant him when she called out his Associate´s name.  

“Glad that I caught you before Harvey,” Zane joked. Harvey just grinded his teeth and waited for the paralegal to continue. “I just wanted to confirm that our appointment still stands?” She raised one of her perfect made eyebrows at him when she noticed the expression of uttermost cluelessness on Harvey´s face.  

“You know,” she continued, “our appointment at that new restaurant? The Bavarian one? You promised me that you´d go with me and I finally got a reservation for tomorrow.”  

“Ah, I remember,” Harvey lied. “Of course, I´ll go with you,” he added without much enthusiasm, something Rachel missed in her elation.  

“Great!” she exclaimed. “See you later.” Then she pecked him on his cheek and went on her way, leaving behind an equally dumbfounded and fuming Harvey.  

“Wow,” a familiar voice commented from behind, “for someone who got asked out by the second hottest woman in the office you certainly don’t look your part.” Harvey turned around only to see Donna leaning on the wall, an amused smirk on her face.  

“Second hottest?” he repeated.  

“Well, the Associates have this list they think I don’t know about,” Donna started to explain. “In which they rank everyone here according to their – and I quote – ‘hotness’. They´re too afraid of Jessica –“ as the they should “– so she isn’t on the list, but I´m first and Rachel is second.”  

“Which place am…is Harvey?” Harvey asked, because he just couldn’t let the chance to know slip by. Donna just gave him a knowing smirk.  

“Well, Harvey is second,” Donna replied.  

“Second!?” Harvey squealed. “Who´s first?”  

“Louis,” Donna said and looked at him with her most serious expression.  

“Hahaha, nearly as funny as 9/11 jokes,” Harvey deadpanned.  

“Your precious Harvey,” Donna replied, putting extra emphasis on it, “is beaten by someone down in Accounting who, according to the rumour mill, puts Zac Efron to shame.” Harvey mumbled something along the line of ‘Zac Efron wasn’t that great’ under his breath, but by then they had already reached his office, where a frantic Mike was walking holes in the ground…in Harvey´s body.  

“I don’t know what´s got him into a mood,” Donna commented as she took place behind her cubicle. “And he forgot my caramel frappuchino. He´s never forgotten before.” She looked at him pointedly as if somehow Harvey – or rather Mike, Harvey needed to remind himself – was to blame for said mistake. Not that Harvey would know why would have to do anything with it. With one last nod, Harvey entered the office.  

“Oh my God, you´re here,” Mike exclaimed in relief. It was somehow disconnecting to stand here and look at his own body from an outsider perspective. There were little things that made it easier for Harvey to recognize that this was, in fact, not him. A few stands of hair that weren’t in place, something he would have never allowed, the cufflinks that didn’t fit the shirt and the tie and of course, the distressed expression on his body´s face that he would have never shown in public if he were himself. These little differences enabled Harvey to tear himself out of the Twilight Zone funk seeing his own body had put him in.  

“Is that a _skinny tie?”_ Harvey hissed when he saw the abomination hanging around his – Mike´s – neck.  

“It was the only decent tie you had,” Mike mumbled in his defence.  

“Congratulation,” Harvey sneered, “if people weren’t suspicious that I acted like a frightened chicken they definitely are now.” Mike stared at him incredulously.  

“Weren´t you the one who said that they wouldn’t get suspicious in the first place,” he replied.  

“No,” Harvey contradicted. “I said _‘No one who notices a little discrepancy in our behaviour will instantly jump to the conclusion that we somehow swapped bodies.’_.” Harvey knew that he must have made a weird impression, standing there, one finger lifted, mouth agape, but he couldn’t help himself at the sudden realization he was experiencing: He could remember everything; what he had thought, said, experienced at every single moment since he had woken up in Mike´s body.  

“I have your memory,” Harvey told Mike. “I remember everything. I could tell you the ingredients list of the cornflakes that stand on your counter. I can tell you what the people in the subway were speaking about.” Harvey stopped, unable to say anything else. It was an exhilarating feeling, having all these things swirling in his mind, knowing all those facts and not being able to forget anything, but it was also terrifying – overwhelming. This was how Atlas must feel, shouldering the weight of the heavens.  

“That´s terrible,” Mike replied aghast.  

“Oi, it´s not that bad,” Harvey disagreed, “my mind isn’t such a slouch either.”  

“You don’t understand, Harvey,” Mike exclaimed and gripped Harvey by his shoulders, “my eidetic memory…it´s everything I am. It´s what defines me the most. My identity is a result of my mind. There´s no Mike Ross without his memory.” Harvey could see that Mike was ready to go into a full-blown panic attack. His hands – still having a tight hold on his shoulders – were shaking, his breathing became more and more shallow and first pearls of sweat were appearing on his forehead.  

“Mike,” Harvey tried to put the other man at ease, “you aren’t just your memory. You´re also caring and emphasizing with our clients so much that it sickens me. You listen to trash pop while you go over the briefs, your culinary palette is as broad as your skinny ties and you never insult Louis – you even defend him sometimes – even though his own wife would join in.”  

“He doesn’t have a wife,” Mike interrupted weakly with a faint smile on his lips.  

“You aren’t just your memory,” Harvey drove his point home.  

“No, I´m also my twinkish charms,” Mike teased and Harvey had to think of Louis showering naked while singing opera to keep his body from reacting to that flirty statement. It helped that Mike was currently in Harvey´s body therefore negating some of the statement´s truthfulness.  

“Just play to your strengths,” Harvey advised Mike. “We´re doing most of our cases together anyway, so our work won´t be affected.” 

“I think I may know the reason why we exchanged bodies,” Mike hinted.  

“Explain,” Harvey commanded, pining Mike with his most intense stare.  

“You remember our meeting with Ms Callington a few days ago?” Mike asked. Of course, Harvey remembered it. It was, after all, a difficult meeting to forget.  

_Anne_ _Callington_ _was a_ _woman who had made her money with toys. Not child toys. No, the woman from a sleepy town in Kentucky had been one of the first to open a shop for adult toys and later on had been fast enough to predict the shift from offline to online shopping which most of her competition hadn’t seen coming. The sixty-year old woman was neither one of his first nor one of his best paying clients, but for Harvey the eccentric female was definitely one of his favourites: She wasn’t complicated, didn’t frustrate him and she always offered really good cake…and other gifts as well, which Harvey had put to great use._  

_He didn’t think of that, though, because he always had this feeling that_ _Callington_ _knew more about what was going on around her and what other people were thinking than she let on. You didn’t build a business empire with home-made tea and biscuits._  

_“So, you have finished the contract for my children and I?”_ _Callington_ _asked. Her once blonde hair had turned pure white a few years ago already and deep wrinkles were stamped all over her face, but behind the golden-rimmed glasses her blue eyes still shone with_ _silent strength and intelligence. Her lipstick was as brightly red as her jacket and skirt, an – in Harvey´s opinion – atrocious combination that even the white blouse and countless golden jewellery couldn’t save. But fortunately he wasn’t paid to criticize his client´s choice of clothing._  

_“_ _Yes, I have,” Harvey affirmed. “My Associate drew up the contract. You and your children just have to sign it and everything should be fine.”_ _Callington_ _took the papers out of his outstretched hand began to skim over it. For a while nothing but the rustling of paper could be heard in the little reception room they were in._  

_“Everything seems in order,”_ _Callington_ _finally said._ _“I´ll have my children sign it the next time they come over and visit me.” She put her copy of the contract in her purse and handed the other over to Mike. His Associate took one look at the papers and his expression immediately shut down._  

_“Harvey,” Mike said without any emotion tracing his voice, “can we talk outside for a second.” Harvey looked at_ _Callington_ _who just nodded in assent, clearly having nothing against him and Mike having a short talk outside her hearing range, and then followed Mike outside to the hallway._  

_“You changed the whole cont_ _ract without my knowledge!_ _” Mike hissed at him. “I spent three days on that damn thing!”_  

_“I don’t answer to you,” Harvey shot back quietly, but inwardly he was fuming. “I saw some things that needed correction, so I corrected them. No big deal.”_  

_“It is a big deal,” Mike fumed. “It´s a big deal because you don´t respect the work I do.”_  

_“I respect the work you do when it´s up to my standards,” Harvey sneered. “Because even though you only have Associate work to do, you still sometimes fail at that.”_  

_“As if your work is so demanding,” Mike scoffed. “You just sit around in your office, insult Louis and every now and then you brag to some client how awesome you are so that he doesn’t fire you for being an arrogant ass.” While they exchanged insults, they had come nearer and nearer to each other until their faces were only inches apart. Then tension hanging between them was palpable and Harvey was sure that something unforgivable would have been said if not for_ _Callington_ _suddenly opening the door._  

_“Are you alright, dears,” she asked, her worried eyes only magnified by her glasses. “_ _It sounded like you were fighting.”_  

_“No, everything´s fine,” Harvey insisted. Mike snorted beside him._  

_“Then you can share a cup of tea with me before you go, don´t you?”_ _Callington_ _asked and Harvey found out that he couldn’t just say ‘No’ to these big, blue eyes that stared at him so full of hope. That was how he and Mike found themselves sitting opposite of_ _Callington_ _in, what appeared to be, her tea room._  

_“It seems as if there exist some differences between the two of you,”_ _Callington_ _pointed out as she sat there on her opulent sofa, sipping from her porcelain cup with golden rim. “You don´t appreciate the other.” She looked at them pointedly over the edge of her golden glasses._  

_“Our differences won´t have any negative effects on our work for you,” Harvey assured the woman. He really wasn’t in the mood to have his personal life bared in front of a stranger. Mike just nodded in agreement._  

_“Oh, I´m not afraid of that,”_ _Callington_ _gushed. “I´m sure you will continue the outstanding work you have done for me so far. But –“ she put her cup on the glass table “ – I fear what it will do to you. You are such nice men, after all, and it would be a shame to have this mutual respect_ _between you_ _destroyed because of some misunderstanding.” Harvey just wanted to go. Damn, the woman was too perceptive. How she said ‘respect’ but clearly meant something completely different. She hit the mark and Harvey didn’t want her to continue any further._  

_“I´m sure that Harvey and I will sort everything out,” Mike interceded and for once Harvey was glad for it._  

_“Oh, I´m sure of that,”_ _Carllington_ _replied with a s_ _weet_ _smile_ _on her face_ _. “But before you go, just take a cup of tea. It is such a rare occurrence that I can share my love for it with such youthful men as you are.” She pushed two cups towards them. “It is a special blend of mine and I believe that it will greatly help you.”_  

“Wait, wait,” Harvey said, “are you saying that an old, eccentric client of mine made us swap bodies with the power of her home-brewed tea blends?” His eyebrows must have vanished in his hairline, so disbelieving was his facial expression.  

“Well,” Mike just shrugged, “it´s as likely an explanation as aliens or the CIA being responsible for it.” Harvey had to admit that Mike got a point there.   

“Well, we do have an appointment with her on Wednesday,” Harvey pointed out. “We should just ask her then.” Mike just looked at him with wide eyes – an expression that looked quite comically on Harvey´s face.  

“That´s in two days,” Mike said, “I don´t know if I manage being you for that long.”  

“According to you, being me is just sitting in my office and insulting Louis,” Harvey jeered. “So it shouldn’t be that difficult for you.”  

“Then recapping all of Louis’ briefs shouldn’t be much of a challenge to you, as well,” Mike taunted right back. “And don’t worry, I think I´ll manage being an emotional unavailable ass for two days.” Harvey huffed in indignation, turned around and walked out of _his own damn office_ without bothering to say anything else to Mike.  

Of course, he didn’t come very far before Donna intercepted him.  

“What did he want?” she asked, bending forward over her cubicle. If Harvey had been a lesser man he would have risked a look downwards, but he knew Donna and he knew her inevitable wrath. “That was the most emotional conversation I´ve ever seen you two having.”  

“Do you always spy on our conversations?” Harvey wanted to know. Donna just gave him her best ‘duh’ expression.  

“Harvey´s office is made of glass,” she pointed out. “I can´t help if I turn around once or twice or several times while you talk and see what´s going on in there.” Harvey just gave her an unimpressed glower which did nothing to dissuade Donna.  

“It isn’t really any of your business,” Harvey finally said and he could see some spark of respect flare up behind Donna´s eyes.  

“So the puppy´s got bite,” she teased and Harvey rolled his eyes. Until now he had found the moniker for Mike funny and fitting, but now that it was aimed at him he could suddenly understand why Mike didn’t like it. It was kind of depreciative. Harvey leaned forward, showing teeth.  

“I´ve always got bite,” he declared. “You´ve just never noticed.”  

* * *

Mike stared out of Harvey´s glass windows and tried to calm down his beating heart.  

Waking up only to find himself in the body of his boss – his very attractive boss – was not something he had ever though would happen to him. His life wasn’t a science-fiction movie, after all. And yet, when he had looked in the mirror today it was not his blue eyes that stared back at him, but Harvey´s hazel ones.  

It had scared Mike at first. So much that he stumbled over his own feet while he tried to scramble backwards and nearly hit his head _(or Harvey´s head; the whole pronoun business was very confusing)_ on the bathtub. Fortunately, no injury had been inflicted upon Harvey´s body by Mike until now. Mike could very well imagine the rant of epic proportion he would receive from his boss should he return his body in less than the stellar condition it had been in prior to Mike possessing it.  

But then Mike did what he always did when he had run into problems he couldn’t solve on his own: Calling Harvey. Which, in all fairness, hadn’t really solved anything but it made Mike feel better. And now he was standing here in his boss’ office and had to pretend he was Harvey.  

“Harvey.” Mike turned around to see Donna standing in the doorway.  

“Yes, Donna,” he replied, trying to replicate Harvey as much as he could. The confidence, the arrogance, the smirk – everything that made Harvey what he was and at which Mike was horrible failing. For all her supposed omniscience, Donna staid completely oblivious, though.  

“Jessica wants to see you,” she just passed on the message and went back to her seat. Mike meanwhile broke out into cold sweat. How the hell should he face Jessica and convince her that he was Harvey and that everything was alright. Mike knew that Jessica barely tolerated him, his continued employment ensured only by Harvey´s threat hanging over her head. Thus, she had minimized their contact to what was minimal required for it to not look like antagonistic relationship it was. Mike didn’t know if he could fake it.  

He still knew all what there was to know about law, but he lacked Harvey´s experience and even more important right now he also lacked his memory. That was the most bitter pill to swallow about the whole thing. For as long as Mike could remember – and that was a pretty damn long time – his memory was what always had defined him. He hadn’t been Mike, the boy who liked trains, no he had always been Mike, the boy who remembers everything ever since kindergarten and having this part of his identity suddenly ripped away from him made him feel naked and vulnerable. If that was how other people lived like their whole lives, then Mike would be more than happy to never experience it again. But Harvey´s words had helped. There were things to Mike that weren’t consequences of his memory, things that were still there, that still made him who he was and to those he now clung even more tightly to.  

Mike would survive this. He had made it through worse.  

“Harvey, you shouldn’t make Jessica wait,” Donna cautioned from her cubicle. “You know what happened the last time.”  

_No he didn’t_ , but Mike didn’t say that out loud. Instead he nodded towards Donna once and made his way towards Jessica´s office. With each step it felt like the pressure on his shoulders intensified until it felt like he was walking through jelly. There was fear clouding his mind; fear Louis would intercept him on the hallway, that anyone would notice and start asking questions, but nothing of the like happened and Mike made it to Jessica´s office door unscathed.  

“Harvey, come in,” Jessica said, beckoning for him to sit down in front of her desk, like she was a queen sitting on his trial. Not a single strand of her hair was out of place, not a single stroke of make-up where it shouldn’t be. Sitting there in her lilac costume which was probably worth more than what Mike made in half-a-year Jessica looked as regal and imposing as ever.  

“Jessica,” Mike greeted back, tilting his head in a small gesture of respect and hoped that it was enough. Apparently it was, for Jessica continued without break.  

“I´ve called you here because there´s a case I want you to take,” she said and handed a file over to him. Mike opened it and skimmed over its contents.  

“Pro bono?” he read out loud with raised eyebrows. Not that Mike was against pro bono – he would be the last to refuse one – but he thought that after all these years of working together Jessica would know how Harvey felt about them and stopped hoisting them on him.  

“You will take this case and there will be no objection,” Jessica said and it was more of a command than anything else. “I have no doubt that you´ll win this case and if the right people get wind of our victory this case stands to win us several multi-million follow-up contracts.” She smiled and Mike and it wasn’t a sweet and calming smile in the slightest. Rather like a predator eying up its prey. “And look at who the opposing council is gonna be.”  

Mike did, indeed, look and what he saw made him want to throw up in one of Jessica´s designer bins.  

“Travis Tanner.” He looked up at Jessica who continued smiling at him.  

“I thought you´d like to have another go at him,” she just shrugged. Any other time Mike would have appreciated the gesture, because he knew how much Harvey loved it to fight Tanner. If Harvey was a superhero, then Tanner would be his archenemy. Sadly enough, Mike had no aspiration to go against Tanner anytime soon.  

“Thanks Jessica,” Mike said and tried to sound as enthusiastic as Harvey would be if he were in his own body. “I´ll have Ha-Mike take a look at it as soon as possible.”  

“Harvey,” Jessica held him back, her tone taking a more warning tint. “This is your case, not your Associates’, no matter how much you _value_ him.” She sent him a pointed look and when nothing else was forthcoming Mike left her office and made his way back to his – Harvey´s.  

Now he had to deal with Tanner until Ms Callington could reverse their situation back to what it was.  

Should be no problem.  

Self-deception had always been one of Mike´s strong suits. No pun intended.  

* * *

Harvey would have never though that entering the bull pen as Associate instead of Senior Partner made that great kind of a difference and yet here he was, taught better by circumstances. Usually, whenever he had entered the bull pen before an eerie kind of quiet would fall over the Associates and the only sounds you could hear were the rustling of paper and the ticktack of the keyboards. They all would cast furtive glances at him, either hoping that he wouldn’t or that he would pick them out for whatever assignment he had come into the bull pen for.  

It was confidence inspiring and Harvey more than enjoyed it.  

Now, as he entered the bull pen not as Senior Partner Harvey Specter but as Associate Mike Ross none of that happened. The chatter of the other Associates didn’t abate, neither did they hush towards their seats as they were wont when he entered and some of them – whose face Harvey carefully put to his memory – were even throwing paper balls at each other.  

“Mike.” A blonde guy gripped him at his shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Harvey would have been afraid that this was some kind of sexual attack, but the boy looked like a cherub and his expression was more of a profound panic than of anything sensual. “I need your help.”  

“Maybe let go of me first,” Harvey suggested. The blonde looked at Harvey´s face, then at his own head which were still gripping Harvey tightly and then let go with a sheepish expression on his face.  

“Harold, I didn’t know you and Ross were an item!” some Associate shouted, making the whole crowd erupting in laughter. Harold´s cheeks reddened, but he offered no opposition.  

“Hey, asshole!” Harvey shouted and everyone fell quiet. Slowly, Harvey walked towards the cubicle behind which the Associate sat who had shouted the allegation until he was leaning on the divider. Before the other man could even react, Harvey had snapped the piece of paper he was currently working on from underneath his fingers and looked over it. “How about instead going on about other people´s supposed love life you learn how to correctly fill out a subpoena instead?” He took a red pen from the other man´s desk and started correcting. “That doesn’t exist, here you forgot sub-clause 3b, this argumentation reads like it was written by a twelve-year-old, and that sentence I just don’t like.” He handed the paper back to the thoroughly humiliated and fuming Associate without bothering to rub further salt into the wound, Harvey turned around, beckoned Harold to follow him and led him into the currently empty Associate´s kitchen.  

“That was awesome,” Harold admitted.  

“It wouldn’t be needed if you just stood up for yourself,” Harvey pointed out which made Harold just lower his gaze in embarrassment.  

“Stop right here,” Harvey berated the blonde. “Never break eye contact. Don’t look down, not even if someone criticizes you – especially then. It shows weakness and you can´t be weak when you´re a lawyer.”  

“I´ll try,” Harold promised, but it didn’t sound very convincing.  

“It would definitely help you,” Harvey added.  

“Ah, busted!” Harvey turned around to look into Louis’ face which was inappropriately close to his own. “If you have time to life coach Harold you´re surely able to go over these briefs as well.” And with that he dumbed an enormous stack of paper on Mike – on Harvey´s desk. Harvey groaned inwardly but he knew better than to complain. Louis’ predecessor had been vindictive like that as well when Louis and he had been Associates and apparently Louis had moulded himself after that man.  

So he just sat down and started the tedious work.  

* * *

The sun had already set when Mike finally left Harvey´s office to make his way home. Wait, he couldn’t go home. He would have go to Harvey´s. Mike didn’t know why, but somehow having his body swapped with his boss was as surreal to him as staying in Harvey´s condo was. Mike liked to believe that he knew Harvey, even if the man tried his best to keep everyone at least one arm reach away and from his observations Mike knew that Harvey loathed any invasion of his privacy. And now here was Mike who would sleep in Harvey´s condo while the man would be at his apartment.  

“So, how awesome was your first day being me?” It was still strange seeing his own body, Mike realized as he watched Harvey leaning against the wall near the elevator.  

“Your clients certainly don’t value as much as you made me believe they do,” Mike replied. “I had to endure a ten minutes rant from Mr Deininger. I don’t remember what about because I doodled something with your Mont Blancs. Everyone else I had to talk to didn’t seem to like you very much.”  

“Well, they don’t have to like me as long as they pay me,” Harvey replied, “and the only thing they care about is not losing their money and as long as I manage that, they couldn’t care less about anything else.” Mike thought that to be a very, very sad thing, but he was wise enough to not mention that in Harvey´s presence.  

The ringing noise announced the elevator. Both Harvey and Mike didn’t say anything on their way down, instead watching the LED lights counting down from the 37th floor. Mike was about to leave the building when Harvey called after him.  

“Where are you going?”  

“To your condo?!” Mike answered.  

“Ray´s waiting this way, though,” Harvey remarked and pointed towards the exit opposite of the one Mike always used; the one leading towards the street. “Wait, how did you get here today?”  

“I took the subway,” Mike replied and he could see Harvey blanch at that.  

“You took one of my suits into the subway?” he asked, his expression a mix between horror and incredulousness. “In one of those disgusting and germ-riddled carts which existence goes against every WHO regulation?” Mike levelled Harvey with an unimpressed stare.  

“You used the subway today, too,” he pointed out.  

“Don’t remind me,” Harvey grimaced.  

“You could have taken my bike,” Mike suggested.  

“And die horribly in a car crash?” Harvey threw his hands up. “No, thanks.”  

“Suit yourself then,” Mike replied. “I´m gonna let Ray drive me to your condo now.”  

* * *

Another uncomfortable subway ride later, Harvey was finally back at Mike´s apartment and was dead set on just flopping down on his Associate´s much too small couch and enjoy some Netflix. He was rudely interrupted, though, when someone knocked on the door.  

Annoyed, Harvey stood up and opened the door. Leaning against the door frame on the other side was that one female friend Mike had – Janet, Judy, Julia –  

“Jenny,” Harvey greeted the woman.  

“Mike,” Jenny greeted back with much more enthusiasm and hugged Harvey so fiercely that he feared that he would suffocate.  

“What are you doing here?” Harvey asked. Jenny just shot him a long suffering look.  

“For someone with an eidetic memory you surely are unable to memorize your appointments,” she remarked and entered the apartment. Harvey wanted to agree with her, because he was well aware of how much Mike actually forgot, but it would probably weird. “I came here for the movie marathon you´ve promised me for ages.” She held up four DVDs. “All three parts of High School Musical plus the Sharpay spin-off.” Harvey abandoned all dignity and smacked his head against the nearest wall.  

“What possessed me to agree to that?” he grinded out. Jenny just continued grinning, apparently nothing being able to destroy her good mood.  

“I´m a kindergarten teacher at an all-girl kindergarten. I can´t connect with the kids if I don’t know _the_ defining movie of their generation,” Jenny lectured him. “So sit your skinny ass down here and enjoy.”  

They were near at the end of the first movie when Harvey couldn’t hold it back anymore.  

“That´s the most ridiculous plot I´ve ever been forced to watch,” he complained. “Like, how stupid is Troy that he doesn’t notice the webcam his friends are filming him with? And what message does that movie send to the kids? Sharpay and Ryan worked their asses off to get where they are now and then Troy and Gabriella come along with their weak ass acoustic song versions and dazzle a professional who should definitely notice that the two have the charisma of two bland crackers pining for each other.” Jenny looked at him with a barely suppressed grin.  

“But the songs are catchy, aren´t they?” she asked. “ _But everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth…_ ” Harvey kept his mouth shut, but Jenny just kept poking at him.  

“ _When there was me and you_ ,” he finally grinded out. “That doesn’t excuse the weak plot, though.”  

“Just keep watching,” Jenny ordered and threw a popcorn at him. Harvey, recognising a woman on a mission when he saw one, wisely followed her order. Three excruciating hours later, he let out a relieved breath when the screen finally faded to black. He had survived!  

“So…” Jenny started and turned towards him.  

“What?” Harvey replied apprehensively, experiencing the age-old dread every male was familiar with when a female in his vicinity was up to no good.  

“Are you finally gonna admit it?” Jenny asked.  

“Admit what?” Harvey asked confused. Jenny threw her head back and groaned.  

“Really?” she exclaimed. “That´s how you gonna play it?” She straightened up and looked Harvey straight into his eyes.  

“Are you finally gonna admit that you´re in love with your boss?” Harvey´s jaw dropped. To stunned to say anything, Jenny just kept speaking on.  

“Look, Mike, maybe it´s not obvious to you because you´re male and men generally are unable to recognise and process their emotion, but it´s obvious to me,” Jenny said. “You talk about him all the time and only positive things. You get this expression on your face when you tell me anecdotes of your work, you´re constantly trying to impress him and his standards are the only ones you hold yourself to. You´re an anxious mess every time you think that man is disappointed in you, so much that I have to force you out of your apartment so that you stop moping. Do you know why we´re only having this marathon two months after the first date we set initially? Because you constantly cancelled on me because ‘Harvey this’ or ‘Harvey that’.” She pointed her finger straight at Harvey´s chest. “You´re so deep on love that it´s sickening even to me and I read and watched the whole Twilight series.” She sighed.  

“Look, Mike,” she continued, “I want to be happy for you and I think that, after all that´s happened, you deserve every shot at happiness, but from what you´ve told me it doesn’t appear as if Harvey has any feelings for you.” She looked at him, her gaze full of so much sympathy and pity that Harvey felt sick.  

“You think that?” he replied. It was easier to pretend to be Mike and just unwind what he would say instead of dealing with the storm of emotions that was raging within him.  

“Yeah, I do,” Jenny said. “I may not be a genius, but I can read between the lines of what you tell me. Harvey seems like one of these people who have everything in their prime years, but end up lonely and abandoned later in life because they never bothered to forge any meaningful connections to anyone. Like someone who´ll be stuck in the same repeating motions while everyone around him moves on.”  

“That´s not true!” Harvey defended himself, maybe a little bit too vehemently.  

“I know you think differently,” Jenny said. “That ‘behind his mask he´s a caring man’. But Mike, I ask you, is he really worth it – worth your time, loyalty and devotion – if he´s too much of a coward to actually act on what you´re trying to see in him? I don´t want you to run after a dream that may never come true when reality has so much more to offer to you. Don´t do that to yourself, Mike, please.” Harvey didn’t respond.  

“I´m sorry that I ruined the mood,” Jenny apologised. “But I´ve waiting to get that off my chest since forever.” She stood up and began to collect her things. When she was in the doorway, she turned around one last time. “Please, at least think about what I said.” Harvey just nodded and then Jenny left, the door closing behind her with a quite click.  

But now there was nothing to distract Harvey from his own thoughts as silence descended upon him. He stood up and walked into the small bathroom to rinse his hands but when he looked up it was Mike´s face that stared back at him in the mirror.  

Overcome by a sudden rage – at the situation, at Jenny, at Mike, at himself – Harvey let out a frustrated scream and smashed his fist against the glass. With a loud clink the mirror shattered into pieces, their edges glittering under the light with Harvey´s blood as they crashed on the ground. Harvey looked at his hand, his fingers smeared with blood that just continued flowing, dropping on into the sink – _red on pure white_ – and the panic set in. He threw up the cabinet doors in the bathroom, desperately searching for something to bandage his hand.  

When he had finally found something and his hand was bandaged, the bathroom looked like a tornado had gone through it. The content of the cabinets carelessly scattered on the ground, red splatters everywhere on the white tiles and blood soaked toilet paper in the overflowing trash can. Yet, Harvey couldn’t care less, closing the door behind them and laying down on the bed, completely exhausted.  

He would clean up tomorrow.  

But as Harvey tossed and turned around in Mike´s bed, sleep just wouldn’t find him. What Jenny had told him that evening haunted him even when he closed his eyes.  

It had never occurred to him to think about how Mike felt about him. Mike was his Associate, the rough diamond that had stumbled into his interviews which Harvey was slowly but surely polishing into perfection and maybe sometimes he was Harvey´s friend. They were bound together by the secret they shared. Maybe sometimes Harvey felt like Mike´s presence in his life was the final puzzle piece that he had missed before, like he could finally be just himself without being judged, but that was what friends were for, wasn´t it? Like what Donna was to him.  

Mike was Harvey´s friend. Someone who was loyal to him and therefore someone he owed loyalty to. Harvey would protect Mike at all costs, but he didn’t reciprocate the feelings that the other man was harbouring for him. Mike would have to live with that.  

And if that realisation didn’t calm Harvey as much as he hoped it would as he drifted to sleep, he pretended to not notice.  

* * *

That day would be his first deposition with Tanner as his opponent. To say that Mike was nervous would be an understatement, even though the PI Harvey used to engage had dug up some dirt they could use to close this before it got long and dirty.  

“Stop fidgeting so much,” Harvey told him when they sat in the conference room. “You need to act like me and I´m definitely not afraid of someone like Tanner.” He looked smug, but on Mike´s body it was a very strange expression.  

“That´s easy for you to say,” Mike hissed at the other man under his breath. “You´ve done this far longer as I.”  

“Just pretend like everything he says is just bullshit,” Harvey quipped, “which it usually is. Besides, we have this delightful piece of information Vanessa gave us.”  

“Not helpful,” Mike deadpanned, but before Harvey could reply anything, Donna opened the door and showed Tanner and his client in. Even though Tanner wore suits of the same price and quality as Harvey, on him it didn’t look as classy as on Mike´s mentor. While Harvey´s suits gave him an aura of sophistication, on Tanner they made him look like just another bratty trust-fund baby, without finesse or true genius.  

At least that was Mike´s opinion and he couldn’t really fathom why anyone would think differently. 

“Harvey,” Tanner greeted him, grinning smugly. “And Harvey´s pet.” Harvey gave the other man a shark-like smile that was so out of character for Mike that it threw Tanner off for a moment before his smug grin was back on his face.  

“I see,” he said, “Harvey´s rubbing off on you. Maybe in more than one way.”  

“That´s enough, Tanner,” Mike interrupted, surprised how strong and self-confident his voice sounded, even though inwardly he was anything but. “Maybe gossiping like secretaries over a new issue of E!News is how it´s done at your firm, but here we do actual work.”  

“As you say, Harvey,” Tanner replied, “though you won´t get much work done on this, for the allegations against my client are causeless and will get thrown out by any rational judge.” Tanner´s client, meanwhile was just sitting there, a small, pudgy and bald man whose gaze flittered nervously between them.   

"I don´t think so," Mike replied. He opened his map and pulled out one document which Tanner snatched out of his hand faster than he could blink. "Not when we submit that to the court." Tanner and his client looked over the single piece of paper with the latter blanching at it, which only reaffirmed Harvey´s and Mike´s suspicion.  

"That´s a bluff," Tanner scoffed. "No way that you obtained that legally. This is inadmissible." He threw the paper back at them.  

"You can´t know that, can you?" Mike shot back smugly. "And you calling me out on that 'bluff' could very well get your client into prison for – how long was it, Mike?" It felt weird referring to himself with his name but actually meaning Harvey.  

"At least seven years," Harvey chimed in. Tanner´s client gulped.  

"It´d be much less with the deal we have to offer," Mike continued.  

"Don´t listen to them," Tanner ordered his client.  

"You´re legally obliged to present our offer to your client," Mike pointed out. "So, why not just stop with your futile resistance and let him hear what we have to offer?" He crooked one eyebrow at Tanner who grinded his teeth in fury.  

"What´s your offer?" He spit out.  

"Your client pleads guilty and gets only three years instead of the ten we would have initially insisted on," Mike recounted their offer. Tanner wanted to say something, but his client beat him to it.  

"I´ll take it," the man said.  

"I´d advise you against it," Tanner interceded. "This –" he pointed at the paper "- is not admissible to court. They can´t use it."  

"That´s what you say," the man replied stubbornly. "But what if they aren´t bluffing? It isn´t you who would have to spend ten years in prison then, is it?" He turned back to Mike. "I´ll take your deal." It was such a sweet moment when Tanner´s client set his signature under the deal Mike had written up while Tanner fumed with impotent fury.  

"I know that it was just a bluff," Tanner hissed at Mike while Harvey was leading the other man´s client back to the elevators. "But I´ve got to admit that it was kinda hot." Mike stopped dead in his tracks.  

"You know, if you ever get tired of pining after your Associate, you know where to find me," Tanner whispered as he brushed past him. Before Mike could regain his composure, the other man vanished behind the elevator doors, leaving him behind feeling disgusted and dirty.  

"Didn´t I say that he would fall for it?" Harvey said, walking towards him. Mike wanted to tell him about Tanner´s 'offer' but they had just won this case with minimal effort and Mike didn’t want to spoil it. So he didn’t say anything.  

"We closed this case in the first deposition," Harvey continued bragging. "Against Tanner. That´s gotta be some kind of record, doesn´t it?"  

"I wouldn’t know," Mike replied.  

"From the way Tanner left the conference room it seems that he wasn’t very happy." Both man turned around to see Jessica leaning against the receptionist desk.  

"We closed the case already," Mike told her, because it would be uncharacteristically for Harvey – who Jessica thought was Mike – to talk to her without her initiating the interaction. Jessica raised one of her perfect eyebrows at them.  

"On the first deposition?" She asked.  

"Yeah," Mike replied nonchalantly, trying to replicate Harvey´s easy swagger. "Bluffed his client straight into accepting our deal." He smirked.  

"You´ve been lucky then," Jessica summarised.  

"I´d say it was skill rather than luck," Mike contradicted her. He could feel that Harvey beside him was itching to say something, unused to not being the centre of the conversation, so he needed to end this talk as soon as possible. Luckily for him, Jessica just shook her head in incredulousness and turned around to walk back to her office. 

"That was close," Mike murmured.  

"You´re much too afraid of Jessica," Harvey remarked. Mike just shoot him a disbeliving glare.  

"You´re not the one she hates," Mike shot back.  

"I´d like to say that´s not true, but I don’t lie," Harvey said. Mike just snorted.  

"We just used an illegally obtained document which you swore up and down was legit to con someone into signing a deal," he pointed out.  

"Maybe I take creative license with the truth sometimes," Harvey conceded.  

"Yeah," Mike snorted. "Sometimes." 

* * *

Harvey sat in front of one Rachel Zane who studied the menu in front of her as if it contained the solution to the LSATs. He didn’t really wanted to here, but he couldn’t very well just not appear. Well, he could, but it would fall back on Mike and even if it made Harvey´s hackles rise, if Mike wanted something from the brunette paralegal Harvey wouldn’t sabotage him – at least not in his body, once they had swapped back the matter would be different.  

"I don´t know what to take," Rachel sighed. "The Schnitzel with Spätzle or the Weißwurst. Ugh, I don´t even know what that is!"  

"Flip a coin," Harvey suggested.  

"But what if it falls on the one I wouldn´t like?" She moaned. 

"Then I´ll take the Weißwurst and you the Schnitzel and if you don´t like yours we can swap," Harvey proposed.  

"Aw, you would do that for me, Mike?" Rachel cooed and the way she spoke Mike´s name made something in Harvey´s stomach turn.  

"It isn´t as if I know any of these things either," he pointed out. "I´m not an expert on German cuisine."  

"Your no expert on any kind of cuisine," Rachel joked. "You´ve never had anything but burger, Hot-Dogs and pizza before I dragged you out with me." Harvey wanted to defend Mike against Rachel´s disparaging comment, but apparently that was their usual style of conversation as Rachel just continued smiling.  

"I have to tell you something," Rachel continued and her smile grew even wider than before. Suddenly Harvey dreaded what the paralegal had to say.  

"What?" He asked without much enthusiasm, which Rachel either didn’t detect or just straight out ignored.  

"I´ve won," Rachel exclaimed triumphantly. "You remember that hot piece of ass I told you about who is in the same yoga class as Donna and I? We made a bet on who would be the first to get him into her bed and guess who had literal earth-shaking sex yesterday?" He should have listen to his gut.  

"You?" Harvey offered tentatively. Rachel just beamed at him. 

"You were right, by the way," Rachel continued. "I never knew that you could predict someone´s sexual prowess with science, but you hit the nail spot on with the things you told me. He was good with his tongue, can you imagine that he..." 

"I don´t think I need to listen to that," Harvey interrupted which only made Rachel erupt in laughter.  

"Come on, Mike," she teased, "Since when are you the prude between the two of us?" Harvey took a deep breath and tried to keep his mind from imagining what kind of talks Mike had with Rachel. "Besides I´m still waiting for you to finally make your move on Harvey." Harvey was saved from answering to that question by the waiter who came and took their orders which Rachel pronounced perfectly even though she had claimed to not know what she was actually ordering. But unfortunately the waiter was soon gone from their table, leaving Harvey under the intense scrunity of one Rachel Zane.  

"Mike, I´m sorry if I sounded so flippant about it," Rachel apologised, "but I think you´ll regret it if you never dare to make a move on Harvey."  

"You´re the second person to tell me that recently," Harvey told her.  

"Well, whoever else told you as well was right," Rachel remarked.  

"You both make it sound so easy," Harvey replied quietly. "As if this doesn´t have the potential to ruin everything."  

"It also has the potential to be the best thing to ever happen in your life," Rachel contradicted him. "Just...just try to imagine the doubt and regret you´ll always carry with you if you never ask. If you have to question yourself all the time about ' _what if_ 's or ' _what could have_ _been_ 's."  

"I don´t even know if Harvey likes me back," Harvey argued. It was weird, their talk. Rachel was the second person after Jenny who forced him to confront and closely examine his relationship with Mike. And the more Harvey thought about it, the more he questioned if what they have was really that platonic. All the lengths he had gone to protect Mike, all the trust he had put in the younger man from the beginning on, the unwavering loyalty between them. Was that truly just friendship? Harvey had never been good with emotions, so he couldn’t say.  

"Oh, he definitely does," Rachel told him. "Donna even says so. In all the years she´s known Harvey, she told me, he has never formed such a bond as he has with you. She thinks that he just doesn´t know how he feels and labels it as something like 'platonic friendship' or something." She smiled at him. It was scary, Harvey thought, how Donna was making her presence in his life known without actually being present physically.  

"So I should trust on Donna´s word?" Harvey asked.  

"You wouldn’t trust Donna´s word on this?" Rachel questioned back scandalized.  

"It´s a rather important issue, don´t you think?" Harvey replied.  

"Hey," Rachel said soothingly, laying her hand on his. It wasn´t a romantic gesture, not really, rather one of understanding and companionship. "Did you know I had a crush on you? When you first started at Pearson Hardman I thought you were the sweetest person ever. I still think that, but you´re my best friend now. I just recognized that you weren´t meant for me. I didn’t know why until I saw you and Harvey through his office walls. He smiled at you, so unguarded, so honest and you were lying on his couch, at ease, your sleeves rolled up, the first few buttons of your shirt undone. That was when I knew that you weren´t meant for me, but for Harvey." She smiled at him. "I want this so much for you." Harvey was taken back by the raw sincerity that he could see in Rachel´s brown eyes, the unswaying friendship and loyalty that burnt behind them. He had misjudged Rachel, had let his own personal prejudices colour his opinion of her. Mike could not have a better friend at his side. And for the first time that evening a real smile formed on Harvey´s face.  

"Thank you," he whispered. Then the waiter arrived with their food and they spent the rest of the evening amicable chatting with each other (although Harvey received way too much information about Rachel´s latest lay, but he could forgive that).  

* * *

While Rachel and Harvey were out and dining, Mike was standing in front of the huge window front of Harvey´s condo and stared down on the bright lights of Manhattan. It came as surprise to him that Harvey had so little social interaction with others outside of Pearson Hardman. Not a single phone call, not a single visit in the whole two days since they had swapped bodies that wasn´t work related in some way. Mike thought it to be quite sad that Harvey, despite all he possessed, actually had so little. Cars he didn’t own, women he didn’t know and expensive alcohol that – from the looks of it – he didn´t drink.  

_How could he survive this_ , Mike wondered. _How could one lead a life like this and not feel lonely?_   

Maybe Harvey did fell lonely? Maybe he sometimes stood there where Mike was standing now, looked down on the city and tried to forget how few people there were that actually cared for him. Not that Mike could talk, the only two people he had were his Grammy and Jenny, but it felt more wholesome than Harvey´s life even if it were only two people.  

_Maybe he should invite Harvey to one of Jenny and his get-togethers?_ Mike asked himself and immediately snorted when he imagined Jenny and Harvey meeting. What would they do? Probably watching High School Musical something Mike had weaselled himself out of countless times already, citing work related reasons. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Still in surprise – because who would come to visit Harvey at 10pm? - Mike made his way through the long hallway to the door, which, after he opened it, he immediately wanted to close again when he saw who was standing behind it.  

"Hi, looser," Scottie greeted lasciviously and brushed past him before Mike even had the chance to deny her entry. 

"What are you doing here?" Mike gritted out, following the other woman into Harvey´s living room.  

"I was in town and thought I´d drop by," Scottie answered as she took one of Harvey´s whiskeys and poured herself a glass.  

"Ah, you´ve always got the good stuff," she sighed after she had taken a big sip from the glass.  

"So you just came here for Har- my alcohol cabinet?" Mike asked exasperated. Seeing Scottie here, draped over Harvey´s couch as if she belonged here, made sudden anger surge through him. She had no right after all the shit she had pulled Harvey through. No right!  

"That´s one reason," Scottie purred seductively. She stood up from where she was sitting on Harvey´s couch and stalked towards him. "But there are others as well." She let her fingers roam over Mike´s chest, each touch making his skin crawl. Just when her hand was about to wander below his waist, Mike surged forward and caught her hands with his, pushing them away from his body.  

"No," he gritted out.  

"What?" Scottie asked confused.  

"I said 'No'," Mike repeated. "I don´t want to sleep with you." Scottie´s face immediately closed off.  

"So, that´s how it is," she spit, "I was good enough for one-night stands but now that you´ve got yourself that blonde twink I´m suddenly not good enough anymore." Tears were filling her eyes. "Well, newsflash for you: It will never work. Never." She let out a hollow laugh. "Because I know you Harvey and I know that no one could ever stand being in a relationship with you. You will just drive them away, like with everything you do." She wished away one tear on her cheek. "Because no one wants an emotional unavailable asshole that is afraid of even admitting that he is in love."  

"Please go," Mike spoke, unmoved by the insults Scottie was hurling at him. "Don´t make this more difficult than it already is." 

"Fuck you, Harvey," Scottie screamed at him, "I was everything for you. I stayed by your side when everyone else would leave you, I calmed your fears when they were choking you – I was there every step on the way and this is the thanks I get? Fuck. You." She picked up her bag and strutted out of the condo. When she was about to go through the door Scottie turned around one last time.  

"I hope that someday Mike will see you as what you truly are." It was said in a quiet, calm voice – barely above a whisper – and then she was gone.  

Mike let out a deep breath.  

That could have gone over better but at least Scottie was out of the picture now. She wouldn´t screw _(over)_ Harvey ever again. 

Mike looked at the whiskey that still stood on the counter. He needed a drink.  

He poured himself one and as he sat down and nursed on his glass he couldn’t help but think back on what Scottie had said. Apparently, she thought that Harvey had feelings for Mike – for him. Mike just couldn’t wrap his mind around that. He had always thought that his feelings were unrequited and that he had to keep them caged inside himself until they would fade away. But maybe they weren´t as unrequited if even someone like Scottie, who knew Harvey quite intimately, thought that Harvey was in love with him.  

But what if Scottie was wrong, Mike fretted. What if he put everything on one card and confessed his feelings to Harvey and the man just laughed at him? No, Mike couldn’t risk it. Not now, not in this unusual, stressful situation.   

Later, maybe. When this was over. When Mike could be sure.  

_Later._

* * *

"Do you want a cup of tea?" Miss Callington asked as she led them from the entrance door of her town house to the conservatory. Finally their meeting with the old lady who was to blame for this whole mess was taking place and Harvey had vowed to himself that he wouldn’t leave this house before he had his own body back.  

"We won´t take any of your infernal tea," Harvey spit out.  

"Well, that is quite of rude of you," Callington admonished him as she took a sip from her cup. "It´s rather good tea after all."  

"Let´s not beat around the bush, shall we?" Harvey grinded out. "You did something to us." Callington put down her cup on the table.  

"What do you think I did to you?" She asked, but her eyes were twinkling knowingly. 

"You know what you did," Harvey accused.  

"Just help an old woman remember, would you be so kind," Callington said.  

"You made us swap bodies," Mike interjected and Harvey was quite glad that he did, because he wasn’t sure that he could have said it. It just sounded so ridiculous! "With your homebrewed teas."  

"Well, I did," Callington finally admitted.  

"Why?" Mike wanted to know.  

"They say you shouldn’t judge a man before you haven´t walked a mile in his shoes," Callington started to explain. "You both weren´t appreciating each other." Both, Mike and Harvey opened their mouths to protest, but Callington just continued. "I witnessed your fight, remember? You had certain misconception of the other and took each other for granted. I wanted to make you see that neither of you has any moral high ground to lecture the other."  

"How do we turn it back?" Harvey demanded to know.  

"You don´t," Callington replied. "It turns back when certain conditions are met."  

"What conditions?" Mike asked timidly.  

"There are still things unsaid between you," Callington told them, "clean the air between you, resolve these issues and everything will turn back as it was." Mike looked deeply uncomfortable hearing this and Harvey couldn’t quite understand what other issues Callington was talking about. He said so much.  

"Oh, Harvey," Callington exclaimed, "it always comes as a surprise that for all your abilities at reading other people you´re so blind when it comes to yourself." She giggled. Harvey wanted to retort something, but Mike was interrupting them.  

"There´s something I need to tell you," he spoke, so quiet that Harvey barely heard it. "I...I...I think I´m in love with you." Mike swallowed hard. "I´ve been for months. But I didn’t dare to say something because I was afraid that it would ruin everything." He fidgeted with his hands. "But that´s not an option anymore, or is it?" Mike didn’t dare to look into his eyes anymore, instead staring on the ground.                          

Harvey wanted to open his mouth and say that he felt the same, but he just couldn’t. There was this terror surging through him, this fear that threaten to overwhelm him. There was someone who loved him and he was afraid that he would screw it up like he had all his previous relationships, that he would turn out just like his mother. He was afraid that this love would cage him, constrain him and mellow them out into something that he didn’t want to be. There was this abstract terror on having Mike´s emotional health dependent on him and this fear that one day he would wake up and see Mike looking back at him, the spark of his love extinguished by their daily grind.  

Harvey couldn’t do this.  

So he did what he could do best: He pushed.  

“Mike, listen to as I will only say that once,” Harvey bit out. “There will never be something between us, do you understand?” He saw Mike´s face crumble and yet he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. Harvey was too afraid of how close Mike had gotten to him, about what the future may hold. He needed distance, room to think, and the only way he knew how to archive that was to hurt, destroy and push away. And so Harvey did. “I took pity on you when you stumbled into the interviews, nothing more and nothing less. What would I want with a man child who´s unable to get his own life in order when I can have the best the city has to offer?” With every word he could see Mike crumble behind his own hazel eyes, but Harvey just couldn’t stop.  

“Is that everything?” Mike asked quietly. “Anything else you wanna get off your soul.” Instead of answering Harvey just turned around, his shoulders tense until he heard the sound of the door swinging open and closing again.  

Mike had left. Harvey relaxed.  

“That was harsh of you.” Harvey´s heart made a jump as he nearly fell over when Callington´s voice came from behind him. “Ripping into him like that.”  

“Haven´t you done enough already?!” Harvey hissed at her but the old woman just looked at him unimpressed.  

“It´s not me that´s too afraid of admitting to his own emotions,” Callington replied and took a sip from her cup. “That boy loves you. Saying that he would probably die for you wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration. You just tore out his heart and ripped it to shreds right in front of his eyes. I seemed to have miscalculated. I thought you were just emotionally unaware, not needlessly cruel.” She looked at Harvey, her gaze heavy with disappointment.  

“I´m not cruel,” Harvey defended himself. “And I´m not in love with Mike.” Even to his own ears that statement sounded hollow and false.  

“If you say so,” Callington said. “Let´s just hope that your boy doesn’t do something stupid.”  

* * *

The air was washing over Mike as he stomped along the road, the tears that were running down his cheek hot in contrast to the bitter cold around him. He didn’t pay any heed to where he was going or who was witnessing his break-down. He just wanted – needed – to get away from Harvey. With every step Mike tried to leave every single hurtful word behind but they stuck to him like an oily film on water. No matter how fast he walked or which streets he turned into, the words just repeated themselves in his mind, taking a darker tone every time they did.  

How could he have been so stupid? So _goddamn, fucking stupid_ as to believe that someone like Harvey would love someone like him. What delusion had he suffered under that he had actually believed that there was a chance at something happening between him and the other man? His love for Harvey had been a small, flickering flame that he carefully guarded because it was the most precious thing he possessed. And the moment he had allowed the flame to burn outside the restraints he had so carefully erected, Harvey had doused it without regret. Every word of his had felt like a gunshot and Harvey had pulled the trigger again and again and again.  

_How dare Harvey?_ Slowly but surely the hurt and pain Mike felt morphed into something monstrous – primal, dark, unconstrained. He had given the man everything he had – everything worse – and the man didn’t even possess the decency to let him down gently?! Harvey knew everything about him and he had used it against Mike without remorse. Mike had let Harvey in – on his secrets, his fears and his hopes – and Harvey had only ever taken and never given.  

The rage surging through Mike made his thoughts all convoluted, the urge to just hurt Harvey back on the forefront of his mind. And he knew exactly how he would do that. Harvey thought that he could do this to Mike without payback? Well, for once Mike would prove Harvey wrong. And if there was just one small flicker of doubt, it was soon pushed behind the vindictiveness that took over Mike.  

Tanner opened the door to his apartment and Mike instantly wanted to punch the man for the smug grin that overtook his expression.  

“Knew you couldn’t resist,” Tanner taunted.  

“Does your offer still stand?” Mike interrupted brusquely.  

“For you?” Tanner replied. “Always.”  

The next moments were just a blur to Mike; he only knew that they were kissing and slowly advancing into Tanner´s apartment, the door falling shut behind them.  

There was nothing romantic about their kiss. Nothing intimate. Just two men intend on using each other to satisfy their own carnal desires. Tanner tried to make Mike submit to him, trying to force him into the defence, but Mike would have none of it. He had enough of dedicating himself to someone else, enough of being the one others _(Harvey)_ told what to do. Now he was taking the reins and he didn’t plan to let go anytime soon.  

“Someone has a lot of pent up energy,” Tanner taunted as he drew back.  

“Someone obviously needs his mouth occupied,” Mike jeered right back. He put his hands on Tanner´s shoulders and pushed him down. Tanner didn’t offer any resistance and went down on his knees, his head levelled right in front of Mike´s crotch.  

He made short work of Mike´s zipper and then his mouth engulfed Mike´s cock. Mike didn’t wait for Tanner to accommodate his girth but immediately began to thrust into the other man´s mouth. Instead of protesting, that inconsiderate action only elicited moans from Tanner which shot straight to Mike´s dick. He lazily fucked into Tanner´s mouth, using him like he wasn’t a human being but just another hole to be used. From the way Tanner´s dick sprang forth throbbing and hard after he had freed it from his pants the other man didn’t seem to mind.  

The only noise that could be heard through Tanner´s apartment was their harsh breathing, their moans and the sound of skin smacking against skin. A mixture of spit and precum was running down Tanner´s chin and dropping on the ground. The other man´s dick was leaking white beads that pooled on the ground underneath him.  

Finally, Mike had enough of idle foreplay. With an audible pop he pulled his dick out of Tanner´s mouth and beckoned for the other man to stand up. Mike roughly manhandled Tanner towards the apartment´s kitchen counter.  

“Suck,” Mike commanded Tanner and held his right hand in front of the man´s mouth. “That´s the only lube you gonna get.” Tanner smiled at him like a Cheshire cat.  

“Love it when you go all commanding on me,” he purred. He wanted to add something else, but Mike had already pushed his fingers into Tanner´s mouth. The other man licked them, coating them with spit and precum. It could have been erotic – seductive even – but Mike didn’t care. He pulled out his finger and roughly pushed Tanner around so that the man was leaning against the counter, his ass sticking out.  

Mike let his hand roam over Tanner´s ass cheeks, caressing them not lovingly, but rather like a farmer appraising a piece of meat would. He circled Tanner´s hole with his fingers, watching as the goose bumps spread over his skin, feeling a primal sense of satisfaction at being the one who did that. And then without warning, he pushed one finger in. Tanner was tensing up around him, but Mike pushed past the resistance.  

“If you´re like that with just one finger, how you´re gonna be then when I split you open with my cock?” he breathed into Tanner´s ear.  

“Quite confident, aren’t you, Harvey,” Tanner teased back. He wanted to add something else, but Mike pushed in another finger and whatever Tanner wanted to say was drowned under a strangled moan.  

Soon Mike was fucking Tanner with three fingers, producing squelching sound whenever he pushed them into Tanner´s hole.  

“Are you just gonna fingerfuck me, or do you plan to ‘split me open’ with your cock anytime soon?” Tanner taunted. Mike thrust his fingers inside the other man one last time. Then he lined up his dick at Tanner´s entrance and pushed in.  

Both men groaned in unison. Tanner´s inner walls clenched deliciously around Mike´s dick, stimulating every single nerve. Pleasure was surging through him and for this short moment Mike could just get lost in the mindless sex and forget about what Harvey had said to him. He fucked Tanner without any tenderness – without care – but the other man eagerly met each of Mike´s thrusts. Apparently Tanner wasn’t one for vanilla sex either.  

Mike´s orgasm was slowly building up, the pleasure pooling in his stomach, his balls tightening. If Tanner´s rough breathing and the rugged jerks he gave his dick were any indication to go by he wasn’t that far off either.  

Finally, Tanner let out one last moan and came into his hand. His ass clenched around Mike´s dick and that was what drove the blonde over the edge. One last thrust and Mike spilled into the other man, riding out the wave of pleasure that were washing over him.  

“You still have all that rage,” Tanner remarked when they cleaned themselves up. “Though, I didn’t think you´d take me up on my offer, now that you have your boy toy.” Mike buckled up his pants and closed the zipper.  

“You offered,” Mike replied nonchalantly.  

“I did,” Tanner said smugly, “but I´m still gonna beat you in court.” Mike, already out of the door, didn’t reply to it.  

* * *

Harvey was pacing in front of his condo, waiting for Mike to come home. He regretted the things he had said to the other man. The moment he had left Callington´s house guilt had assaulted him and didn’t let go of him anymore.  

Because what Callington had said – that he was too afraid of his own emotions – and what Mike had said – that he tried pushing people away when they came too close – was true. And Mike had come the closest in a very long time. And Harvey had been afraid – of what could happen, of what couldn’t never happen and what he so desperately wanted to happen. It was easier to deny, to push away everything instead of actually dealing with it. Because then you didn’t need to face the naked truth when it stared into your face and demanded to be paid attention to.  

And the truth was that there was a little spark of something within Harvey that could very well grow into love for Mike if he just allowed it. If he was brave enough. And for a long time Harvey just wasn’t. He hid behind walls made of glass, behind the mask of the uncaring lawyer and he hid so well that sometimes Harvey could even pretend that were was nothing else behind the façade. But then Mike came tumbling into his live and everything changed. It wasn’t suddenly – not like some romance like love on the first sight bullshit – but it was gradually, slowly, careful and Harvey only noticed when it was too late. When he looked at Mike and no longer saw a tool – a means to an end – but someone who understood, who was loyal without being asked for it, sacrificing without asking anything in return.  

If this whole mess they were currently in had taught Harvey anything then it was the importance of noticing another person`s – _Mike´s_ – worth.  

Maybe it was time to be brave.  

Martin, the guardsmen that sat behind the reception desk, eyed Harvey with suspicion, but he knew Mike from the many times he had come to Harvey´s apartment, so he didn’t say anything about his obvious loitering and instead paid more attention to the episode of some comedy he was watching on his computer.  

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Mike entered the foyer. Newly energised, Harvey stood up from his crouching position and walked towards Mike, though his steps were slowing as he took in the state the other man was in. The unkempt hair, the ruffled clothes and the one thing that made Harvey´s heart fill with sadness: scratch marks and hickeys.  

“Harvey?” Mike asked in surprise, but then his expression shut down. “What are you doing here?”  

“What did you do?” Harvey demanded to know, ignoring Mike´s question. His initial reason for coming here was lot less important now as dread settled in his stomach.  

“None of your business,” Mike spit out.  

“It´s my business when it´s my body you´re using,” Harvey shot back.  

“That´s all you care about, isn´t it?” Mike replied acidly. “Yourself. You´re the most egoistical man I know and I can´t believe that I fell in love with you.” He laughed, a hollow and mocking sound.  

“What did you do?” Harvey asked for a third time. Mike sent him an evil glare.  

“If that´s the only thing you´ve come here for,” Mike mocked. “I slept with Tanner. Apparently, he tried to solicit his service to you for quite some times but you declined every time.”  

“I can´t believe you did that,” Harvey said stunned. “That you´d betray me like this.”  

“I betrayed you?!” Mike exclaimed. “You betrayed me first!”  

“Why? Because I said I didn’t want you?” Harvey hissed back venomously.  

“Unlike what you believe, I´m a grown-up man who can deal with rejection,” Mike replied, “but you used all the things you knew I feared – things I trusted you with – and used it against me. And now you have the gall to lecture me about betrayal.” He threw his head back and let out a short bark. “The hypocrisy.” Harvey couldn’t believe what Mike was saying. He was completely missing the point.  

“Are you so caught up in your own petty hurt that you can´t see what this is actually about?” Harvey asked, his voice treacherously calm. “You used my body to get back at me. You slept with Tanner without my consent. You literally fucked up my life. You violated my body for your own petty idea of revenge. You _raped_ me!” Harvey took a deep breath, momentarily at loss for words. “I _despise_ Tanner and you knew that. I have to live with that taint for the rest of my life! Tanner could use it against me and it will be I – _I_ , not you! – who´ll suffer the consequences! It´ll be I who has to justify himself in front of an ethical review committee if it ever comes out – in front of Jessica – for something I didn’t do. You did! You used – you violated – _my_ body for _your_ revenge and it disgusts me.” He took a few steps back, suddenly no longer able to bear Mike´s presence so near him. Mike coiled back at Harvey´s words, sudden realisation flooding his eyes, but it was too late now.  

“Go,” Harvey said, suddenly feeling worn out.  

“Harvey…” Mike started, but Harvey wouldn’t let him have any of it.  

“Go!” he screamed and for once Mike did as he was told. Now Harvey was truly alone.  

Nothing was the same after that fateful night. Where once had been a friendship so strong that they had been ready to fall on the sword for each other was nothing but rubble and dust. At work they were just ghosts inhabiting the same space, a void suddenly between them that sucked away any resemblance of their former camaraderie. Harvey would bury himself in work in the bullpen and even go so far to choose Louis’ work over Mike´s as long as he didn’t need to see the other man. And Mike did whatever Harvey would usually have done and tried to forget what hurt he had inflicted upon the other man.  

“Harvey, what happened?” Donna asked Mike after one week of him and Harvey constantly avoiding each other and trying to make it look like nothing was wrong at which they were failing miserably. “What happened between you and Mike?”  

“Nothing,” Mike replied, knowing that it wouldn’t deter Donna even in the slightest. And as he predicted, she just looked at him incredulously, closed the door to his office and sat on the chair opposite of him.  

“Obviously something _did_ happen,” she remarked. “You and Mike can´t even stand in the same room for more than a few seconds before one of you bolts out.” Her expression turned into a worried one. She looked at Mike with sadness and pity, her hand on his, rubbing circle on the back of his hand.  

“You were such a great team,” she whispered. “I always thought nothing could stop you two. But something did and I can´t stand sitting on the side-lines and watching you turning into this.” She waved her hand around to properly make her point.  

“It´s nothing I can fix,” Mike finally admitted to her. “I screwed up.”  

“Harvey you´re always screwing up,” Donna said with a little smile, “but you´re also the best at fixing your screw-ups.” She sighed. “I know that this is out of your comfort zone, but some things are worth fighting for. You just have to ask yourself if this is one of them.” And with these words of encouragement the red-head stood up and walked back to her cubicle.  

Mike would have loved to say, that – yes – he did what Donna had recommended he should do. That he went to Harvey and apologised, begged for forgiveness and that everything went back to normal, but it would be a lie. As the days passed by the gulf between him and Harvey grew wider and the gazes Donna send him every time she handed him something became more and more laden with silent disappointment. Mike felt like he was drowning, the air being sucked out of his lucks, denying him the ability to just scream out his pain.  

But he just didn’t believe that there was any chance at repairing what his careless actions had destroyed between him and Harvey. And so every single day past by in antagonizing pace until it all came crashing down three weeks after.   

“Mike, I can´t do this anymore,” Harvey said and cold dread washed through Mike as he heard these words. The halls of Pearson Hardman laid deserted, everyone except them already home, tucked in with their loved ones or roaming the streets of Manhattan. Even though the offices were made of glass, the emptiness of the floor made the atmosphere much more intimate than it would have been otherwise. Behind the glass Mike felt disconnected from the rest of the world, as if time had just stopped and allowed them a reprieve from what awaited them outside. “I handed in my notice today. I can´t stay here. I can´t stay with you. It feels like dying of thousand paper cuts with every breath I take. Everything I worked for in my life has been taken from me and you – what you did – gave me the rest. We´ll never get back to how it was and this way I get the chance of starting anew at least.”  

“Where will you go?” Mike asked. There was no use in trying to make Harvey stay; no use in trying to bargain, to plead, to beg. Harvey had made up his mind and Mike knew that it was his fault. He deserved that Harvey left him. And even though Mike had seen it coming, it hurt so much. It hurt so fucking much. Like someone had torn his heart out of his chest and ripped it to pieces.  

“I don´t know,” Harvey replied. He walked forward and grabbed one of the baseballs that covered the windowsill. “Away. Out of Manhattan. I´ve gained a few years thanks to this bodyswap business. Maybe I use them to see the world.”  

“I´ve always wanted to do that,” Mike remarked and for a short moment, as they stood side by side in front of the windows like in old times, he allowed himself to drown in the illusion that everything was fine between them. That he just needed to stretch out his arm to touch Harvey and have him forever.  

But he didn’t.  

“Goodbye Mike,” Harvey said, his voice so full of melancholy, sadness and pain. “Would…would you look after Donna for me? And Jessica…Louis?” Mike just nodded, suddenly unable to say anything. Slowly Harvey walked out of the office, his hand roaming over every surface. When he stood in the door, he turned around one last time, took everything in – what once was his and now belonged to someone in his body he once thought as his friend – and then turned his back on it and walked away, his steps echoing through the empty hallway.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** While in Harvey´s body Mike has sex with Tanner in order to get revenge on Harvey which Harvey later interprets as rape. 
> 
> [Credit](http://manplayx.tumblr.com/) for the picture I used as header.


	2. Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Mentions of cutting
> 
> So, this is the _sad_ ending and I hope it conveys the right amount of melancholy.

Mike didn’t follow him.

Maybe if he had it would have saved them. Maybe it wouldn’t. Harvey would never know, even though he thought about sometimes when the melancholy took hold of him and painted everything in gentle blue. It wasn’t often that he experienced these states of reverie, but when he did it was usually on nights like this, when the wind was blowing outside and howled like a man possessed; when the branches of the trees flailed uncontrollable in a grotesque dance and the stars were hidden behind thick layers of clouds.

_Would he have stayed?_ Sometimes Harvey thought that he wouldn’t have, for what Mike had done had hit too close and he couldn’t imagine that he would have gotten over it ever. It would have stayed between them like an invisible veil, obscuring them from each other and turning them into strangers, like a slow acting poison until they had turned into strangers that had nothing in common with each other.

On these days Harvey was glad that he had left.

At other times Harvey imagined that he had stayed. That he had fallen into Mike´s arms and forgiven him. Because Harvey of all people knew that people could change – could earn forgiveness – if they set their mind to it. Maybe he and Mike would have found the luck he had always imagined they would sometime have. Maybe, instead of watching a Londoner storm from behind the windows, he would watch the lights of Manhattan from behind the glass front of his condo together with Mike.

On those days Harvey drunk the cheapest whiskey he could find in his liquor cabinet until his mind was so foggy that he couldn’t even string together one coherent sentence, let alone think about Mike.

His flat in London wasn’t the biggest, a far cry from the condo he had had in New York, but it was his and he had earned it with his work. Harvey had stayed true to what he had said to Mike all those years ago and travelled the world. He had been to the locations of Lord of the Rings in New Zealand, had been to Tokyo, visited the Taj Mahal, hiked through the Himalaya, had toured through the savannas of Africa and stared in awe at the monuments of Ancient Greece. But when he had seen enough of the world, he had fallen back into what he had always known and started to work at a law firm in London, as paralegal at first due to his lack of an actual degree.

Eerily similar to his first round, the Managing Partner of the firm – a petite Asian woman by the name of Cuifen who was as fearsome as Jessica – had taken notice of him and ordered him to obtain a degree within two years or he´d be fired.

_“I don´t care if it´s an online degree from a Romanian university no one can pronounce as long as it allows you to enter a court house,” she had said absolutely non-apologetic. “No one will after you decimated them into nothingness.”_

Harvey had done it with just three months left until the deadline which earned him his first scolding from Cuifen who had berated him for taking so long.

That was the moment Harvey had decided that he quite liked the woman.

He was Senior Associate now and he had his mind firmly set on becoming Junior Partner within the next year.

But one thing that Harvey lacked in his new life was the friendship that Donna and Mike had provided. There were colleagues he sometimes hung out with, but none of them were someone he would put his trust in. Not ones to walk beside you even when you walked through hell.

His love life was bleak as well. A few one-night stands over the years that made it into his bed fast and left even faster. But how did they say? Once bitten, twice shy? Maybe one day someone would come tumbling into Harvey´s life and he would let them, but that moments was still in the future.

The wind howled up again and tore Harvey out of his reverie. He looked on the table where the postcard still laid as blank as it had been an hour ago and back out of the window. Then coming to a decision, Harvey sat back down and began to write.

* * *

Mike shuffled through the stacks of papers that Donna had put on his desk. Briefs he needed to read, contracts he needed to sign, lists of possible Associates he had to look through. The latter especially was dreadful business. Mike didn’t want any Associate, not after – not after Harvey had left. But Jessica had put her foot down on the issue and now he would take one.

It had been four years since Harvey had walked out of his own office and since then much had changed. Mike had helped Jessica to push Hardman out of the firm and gotten his own name – Harvey´s name – up on the wall. It had been the one of the worst days of his life, seeing the name of the love he had lost eternalised where he would see it every day.

Mike thought it was a fitting punishment for him. Re-opening the scar tissue anew every day, so that it would never stop hurting.

Sometimes, when he was alone in Harvey´s condo – it would always be Harvey´s condo, even though the man would never set a foot in it ever again – and was staring on the streets of Manhattan he imagined how different everything could have turned out if he had just acted different; if he had chosen a different road all those years ago when he still had had the chance to make amends with Harvey.

Maybe instead of waking up alone every day, staring at the face of the man he had betrayed in the mirror, he would be in his own body, waking up next to Harvey. He would open his eyes and look at the sleeping figure of the man he loved, his face relaxed like it never was when Harvey was awake. Maybe Harvey would notice Mike staring at him – marvelling at his beauty – and open his hazel eyes into Mike´s and smile that unguarded smile that Mike had seen only a few times. Maybe they would kiss – tenderly, slowly, lovingly – as the sun slowly rose outside. Maybe Harvey would murmur ‘I love you’ as he buried in Mike´s neck and took a deep breath. And maybe Mike would say it, too, and they would just bask in each other´s presence.

And as the night set in and the loneliness crept out of every corner and right into Mike´s heart he lost himself in all the ‘maybe’s that would never be.

As he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving foam on his chin and razor in his hand, Mike had stared at the blades and contemplated putting them to his arm. Making himself feel at least a little bit of the pain that Harvey must have felt when he walked out on Mike, but even though Mike had wished for the pain, he hadn’t done it. It was still Harvey´s body he was living in and damaging the perfect skin felt like a sacrilege to Mike. He couldn’t destroy the sanctity of Harvey´s body, not like he had done with Tanner. So he had put the razor down.

“Harvey?” Mike looked up to see Donna standing in the doorway, regarding him with worry. It spoke volumes of Mike´s skills at lying that the woman that had ruled both their lives never did notice that her Harvey had left her and been replaced with an impostor. Every time she called him by Harvey´s name Mike felt like throwing up. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and scream at her, so that she would notice. But he was too cowardly, so he didn’t and continued to wear a face that didn’t belong to him.

“What is, Donna?” Mike replied. He had Harvey´s mannerisms down to the tee that he sometimes even doubted that he was still himself. How did you define yourself when the body you commanded wasn’t yours?

“You should go if you want to be punctual for the job interviews,” she reminded him. “Ray´s already waiting outside.”

“Clinton, again?” he asked after he had pulled out his Blackberry and looked up the appointment. Donna nodded.

“The same room like six years ago,” she added. Mike send her a humourless smile.

“Maybe we´ll have more luck this time,” Donna pointed out.

“One can only hope,” Mike said, “but hope is a fickle mistress and snatches her favour from you as fast as she gave it.” Donna didn’t say anything at that. She didn’t need to. The absence of Harvey – of Mike for her – was a festering wound between them that they were both content with ignoring. A pretty Harvey way of dealing with it and if it didn’t hurt so much Mike would laugh at it.

“Then let´s move, shall we?” And as Mike stood up he didn’t notice the post card that slipped out between the papers on his desk and slowly floated to the floor.

* * *

Jessica already stood in the doorway to Harvey´s office when the empty room behind it reminded her that the man was at the job interviews for a new Associate she had forced him on. The last time that had happened Harvey had come with the best Associate Jessica had ever seen and it shattered like glass chandelier crashing down from the ceiling.

Jessica had never been able to make Harvey open up what had happened for years ago that had made Mike Ross resign within a day to never heard of again. She had approached the topic only once and it had been the only time Harvey had dared to scream at her.

The only thing that she was certain of was that Harvey had had feelings for his Associate and that said feelings had been returned. It could have blossomed into something beautiful, of that Jessica was sure; it could have grown into something that made Harvey into a better name but something had killed their love before it even had the chance to develop into something. The cynical part of her was glad of it, for love made people stupid and unpredictable, but the bigger part of her mourned that Harvey had been denied a chance at happiness the same way she had. Misery loves company, after all.

If Jessica was honest – which she was only in the sanctity of her mind – then she had to admit that she missed Mike Ross, as implausible as it sounded. He had been a fresh wind on the floors of Pearson Specter Litt – Pearson Hardman then – amidst the backstabbing Harvard Associates and the power hungry Partners. His love for the law had been refreshing and his honest empathy and caring had woken something in Jessica which she had long thought dead. Oddly enough, he had been the person Harvey and Louis had bonded over in their tug of war. Sometimes Jessica found herself looking at Harvey´s office and expecting to see the characteristic blonde hair and the terrible skinny ties. But the only thing she ever saw no was Harvey sitting at his desk, expression closed off and an aura of loneliness around him that made even Jessica look approachable in comparison.

Sighing, Jessica wanted to turn around and walk back when a piece of paper on the floor caught her attention. Walking forward, she bent down and snatched it up. It was a picture. Jessica nearly let it fall again when she noticed who it was. Staring back at her in black and white was Mike Ross. He was standing under a tree or something, its leaves throwing shadows on the man that looked like intricate patterns. The blonde was wearing a shirt with the first few buttons undone and his eyes squinting at the sun that was shining at him. He looked calm and at peace with himself.

Jessica flipped the card around. Only three words adorned the other side:

_I forgive you._

_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are love <3


	3. Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the _happy_ ending, mainly so because it consists of 80 percent smut ;) hope that it´s enough for all those who got their heart torn out by the sad ending.

Maybe in another world Mike wouldn´t have gone after Harvey. Maybe he would have stood there, frozen on the spot, and watched the other man leaving for good this time. But that was only hypothetical, just a thought not put into action.

"Harvey, wait!" Mike shouted and ran after him. Harvey turned around and looked at him with puzzlement in his eyes.

"Please, don´t go," Mike pleaded.

"Mike..." Harvey sighed.

"I know what I did was wrong," Mike didn’t let him finish. As long as Harvey was listening to him he wouldn´t leave. "I know that I hurt you – hurt you so much – but I regret it. I regret it every waking minute and there´s nothing I´d rather do than to take it back. Make it as if it never happened."

"But it did," Harvey pointed out quietly, "and you can´t change that."

"But I can atone," Mike countered. "So, please, I beg you, please don’t go." There was a long stretch of silent and Mike feared that he hadn´t been able to change Harvey´s mind – that the man would leave, nevertheless, and leave him behind to live with this regret for the rest of his live.

"I´m still leaving Pearson Hardman," Harvey finally said.

"But working here was always your dream," Mike replied wide-eyed.

"Then I guess it´s time to find a new one, isn´t it?" Harvey spoke drily.

It was difficult, there was no denying it. Harvey was always guarded around Mike, carefully keeping up his mask like he had at the start of them working together. Whenever Mike would visit him – Harvey still lived in his old apartment, even though he always had called a 'glorified dump' when he was still, well, in his old body – he would do the talking and Harvey just listened. Mike would speak of current cases, of the shenanigans Donna and Louis were up to, of Jessica who apparently was dating a lawyer from the SEC and of how satisfying it was to walk through the bullpen and have everyone fall over their feet to please him _("I don´t understand why you didn’t do it more often!")_. Sometimes, Harvey would offer some small piece of information about the state of his life, but it was rare and in-between. He had gotten a job in the public relation office of the current major and was rising up the ranks there pretty fast.

Mike supposed it was similar to what Harvey had done at Pearson Hardman, manipulating people into doing what you wanted, spinning your own tale of the truth, arguing with people as vicious as yourself, only that Mike knew that Harvey actually cared and he couldn’t imagine him as some sort of politician who more often than not were just about pulling the wool over their constituents' eyes. He didn’t think that this was what Harvey truly needed, but maybe he needed something familiar before he tried something new, so Mike didn’t voice that thought out aloud.

Sometimes Mike thought he had made some breakthrough with Harvey, when the other´s eyes lightened up like in old times or he received some unguarded smile, but then the old mask would be back in place and Mike wondered if he had just imagined it. If his desire and his longing had played a trick on his mind.

"I met Tanner on the street today," Mike told Harvey during on of their meetings. "He tried...it again. I told him that it had been a mistake and that it would never ever happen again."

"Why are you telling me this?" Harvey asked.

"I just thought that you should know," Mike replied. "That I...try, that I´m working on earning your forgiveness." Harvey just made a nonchalant sound.

It changed something, though. Their interactions were less guarded, less stilted and maybe that was a sign of progress. That they weren´t just frozen on the spot, but moved forward.

"I have to apologise, too," Harvey said a few days after. "What I said to you was cruel and unnecessary. I could have just told you the truth, that I was afraid, instead of lashing out and hurting you. I shouldn’t have done that." He took a deep breath. “I was at fault, too. It´s my mess as well and the blame shouldn´t just lie with you.”

The smile Mike gave him was worth the admission.

* * *

Their first kiss was on the street near the hotdog stand that Harvey liked more than any of the high-end restaurants that littered Manhattan. Mike had some custard on his lips and before Harvey knew what had come over him he had leaned forward and kissed the other man.

For a short moment Mike did nothing and Harvey was afraid that he had overstepped their boundaries that they had so carefully re-erected, but then his Associate was reciprocating the kiss with as much fervour as Harvey. It wasn’t really that of a great kiss (they had both eaten hotdogs before, after all) but nevertheless all the other kisses Harvey could remember being involved in in his life couldn’t compare to that wet and messy make-out session with Mike.

“I´m not good at relationships,” Harvey admitted later when they were in his – _Mike´s_ – office. “I don’t like letting people in, letting them see the real me. I don’t like the expectations that come with it, the unspoken rules.”

“I´m not good at relationships either,” Mike replied, “I cling to the people I care about, I´m self-righteous when I think I´m right and I expect the same level of involvement as I do even though it´s irrational.” He smiled. “But I already know the real you, Harvey. And I quite like him.”

And maybe they would have difficulties in the future, because Harvey was too guarded and Mike too self-righteous, but right now the trust exchanged between them – that invisible bond they had forged – was enough for both of them. They had won so many challenges, a relationship would just be another one to be mastered.

* * *

The lights of Manhattan shone through the glass front of Harvey´s condo and illuminated everything in faint yellow-orange light. Harvey stood there, Mike in front of him half-naked, and even there were hundreds of thousand people around them – the whole city living and breathing around them – it felt like they were the only people on the world. The only people that really mattered.

The tranquillity of the situation was suddenly shattered when Harvey took a few steps forward to a destination he didn’t know yet. To a person whom he didn’t know wanted him as much as he wanted him.

Harvey looked at Mike – _looked at himself_ – and didn’t quite know what to feel. The hazel eyes, the gelled hair, the birth mark on the collar bone, the broad shoulders and chest, the flat stomach; that was undoubtingly him, but there was also Mike: the curiosity and empathy glimmering behind these eyes, the posture – between confidence and trying to hide away – and the awkward shuffling of his feet.

“Mike,” Harvey exhaled and Mike looked up to meet his gaze. Harvey bridged the gap between them and cupped Mike´s cheek with his hand.

“I want this,” Harvey continued and he could see how this affected Mike; the hair standing up on his arms, the dilated pupils, the erratic breathing. “I want you.” He wanted to touch Mike – let his hands roam over his body – but he held himself back, not trusting himself enough to stop once he got going.

“I want you, too, Harvey,” Mike breathed and Harvey could feel his breath ghosting over his skin. “I want you so much, but…isn’t this a little bit weird?” He made a flourished gesture towards them, making clear what exactly he meant with that statement.

“It´s only as weird as you allow it to be,” Harvey replied, “but if you want to wait until we´re back to normal then I won´t fault you for it.”

“Oh God, no,” Mike protested. “I just wanted to make sure that we´re all on the same side here.” And then he crushed his lips on Harvey´s. He had never felt such an onslaught of different sensual impressions. There were his lips kissing him, his rough hands roaming over his body, his taste on his lips, his heart beating like a drum in his chest. But it was Mike´s desire behind Harvey´s lips, Mike´s tenderness in his hands and Mike´s lust making his heart go wild. It was too much, too fast – _too good_ – and Harvey lost himself in his conflicting senses, feeling like a castaway in a stormy ocean, eagerly waiting to drown in the flood.

 Harvey didn’t know how long they were kissing; it could have been mere seconds, stretched by the passion that thrummed between them or it could have been years, flown by as they had no eyes but for each other. It felt like electricity was surging through his body, making the hair on his skin stand up, making endorphins surge through his brain – just making him feel so alive that it nearly hurt. They should be in hell, because Mike was doing things with his tongue that were so sinful that Harvey couldn’t believe that they would ever be allowed entry to Heaven after that.

Not wanting be outdone by Mike´s unexpected talent with his tongue, Harvey began palming his cock through the slacks Mike was currently wearing. It elicited a delicious moan from the other man and because they were still kissing it also reverberated through Harvey. It should have felt weird or awkward – fumbling at his own body – but it was the most erotic thing Harvey could remember ever doing.

“Harvey,” Mike moaned and it send thrilling shots of electricity through his whole body hearing his own voice that wrecked, moaning his name and knowing he had done it. He was a narcissist like that. But even better was knowing that it was Mike who moaned his name like this, like it was salvation and damnation at the same time, like it meant the end and the beginning of everything, the whole world encapsulated in two syllables. It was an invisible brand of ownership – mine, mine, mine, something inside Harvey screamed – and the blood rushed in his veins rushed, something molten coiling in his stomach.

“Harvey,” Mike groaned again.

The molten thing burned and burned and burned.

“I´ve got you, Mike,” Harvey whispered in Mike´s ears. A promise for Mike to just let him fall, to let Harvey do unto him whatever he wanted. “I´ve got you.”

Gracefully Harvey fell down on his knees, so that his face was levelled with Mike´s crotch. Slowly, he began to retrace the contour of Mike´s dick with his tongue, lapping at the fabric with an intensity he never thought he possessed. Mike´s breathing hitched, only interrupted by strangled moans that managed to escape his lips.

Finally, Harvey just couldn’t wait anymore. He zipped open Mike´s fly and pushed aside the briefs that barely managed to contain the other man´s erection. Through the haze of his lust, a small part of Harvey´s mind wondered if he shouldn’t be weirded out by the fact that it was his own cock that was now dangling in front of his face, but the other part just wanted to get on with it. Besides, were there truly any men out there who _hadn’t_ dreamed of sucking himself off? Harvey literally lived the dream.

He stuck out his tongue and drew small circles on the tip of Mike´s dick. The salty taste of precome exploded on his tongue and mingled with the taste of Mike _(of himself?)_ left from their extensive kissing. Then Harvey swallowed the rest of Mike´s member, noticing in surprise that – apparently – Mike didn’t possess any gag reflex. Only when Mike´s dick nudged at the back of his throat did he stop. Harvey could feel the Mike´s pubic hair stroking at the tip of his nose, could smell his musk. He looked up and saw Mike staring back at him, his mouth agape and his pupils blown wide with lust.

Carefully, Harvey bopped his head back and forth, all the while letting his tongue roam over Mike´s dick. Suddenly there were Mike´s hands on the back of his head, holding him in place while Mike slowly began to fuck into his mouth, shallow and slow at first but then faster and faster. Harvey just sat there and took it, spit leaking from the corners of his mouth and dropping on the ground.

Then suddenly Mike pulled his dick away which nearly made Harvey let out a pathetic whine, but he could hold himself back just in time.

“Bed,” Mike commanded, apparently having lost the ability to communicate in whole sentences. Not having any issue with that, Harvey stood up and walked towards the room where his luxurious double bed was placed. Mike and he fell down on the soft sheets, a tangled mess of limbs, their mouths on each other and Harvey couldn’t quite pinpoint where he ended and Mike began. Excruciating slow Mike showered Harvey´s body with kisses, mapping out every inch of his skin with his tongue as if he wanted to remember everything, even though he was currently bereft of his eidetic memory.

Taking advantage of Mike´s distraction, Harvey opened the bedside drawer and rummaged through it until his hand closed around the familiar wrapping of condoms and lube. He turned back towards Mike and with a strength he didn’t know his current body possessed turned them both around, so that he laid atop Mike, their skins pressed against each other.

For a moment Harvey and Mike did nothing but stare at each other, getting lost in the other´s eyes, but then he pulled back. Harvey poured some generous amount of lube on his fingers – cold and slick – and began circling Mike´s hole.

“Harvey,” Mike moaned.

“Patience,” Harvey put his mind at ease. Slowly, he pushed one finger in – one knuckle, two knuckles – and started to ease it out again. He built up a rhythm, adding another finger – and another – until he was fucking Mike with three fingers, the other man panting hard. Seeing Mike like that – so open, defences completely down, at Harvey´s mercy – made possessiveness and pride surge through Harvey. It was him who had done this, he who had made Mike come undone like this. And no one else ever would.

While he continued to fuck Mike with his fingers, with his other hand Harvey took the condom wrapper and tore it open with his teeth.

“Wow, sexy,” Mike teased. Harvey just gave him his best smirk – which looked out of place on Mike´s face – and rolled the plastic over his cock. Lining up at Mike´s entrance, he slowly pushed his cock in the other man´s ass. Inch by antagonizing inch his dick vanished between Mike´s cheeks. Harvey could feel them contracting around him, trying to pull him in and he had to stop every now and then to keep himself from coming right there on the spot.

Finally, Harvey had completely bottomed out. Mike was all around him, their bodies connected in the most intimate and sensual way possible and for a moment Harvey did nothing but enjoy the feeling of togetherness, the feeling of Mike as near to him as he could possibly be.

“Just fuck me, Harvey,” Mike interrupted Harvey´s contemplation.

“As you wish,” Harvey replied and started to pull his cock out at an antagonizing slow pace only to ram it back in again so fast that both of them shook from the power of the movement. Faster and faster Harvey set his pace until he could no longer exactly say when Mike was around him and when not. He bent over and placed kisses on Mike´s throat – a collar of hickeys that would show everyone to whom Mike truly belonged to – making the other man arching his back, baring more of his skin to Harvey who eagerly nibbled at it. Harvey pinned Mike down, hands on his shoulders, and enjoyed the way the other man squirmed under him.

Feeling Mike´s body contracting around his cock slowly but surely drove Harvey mad. Pleasure was coiling in his stomach, the heat cursing through his body nearly unbearable and he knew that he wouldn’t last much longer. Between the moans Mike was shouting something – his name, ‘harder, harder’ – unintelligible syllables Harvey couldn’t make out. There were no words needed. Their bodies spoke enough, let the other know what they wanted.

“Harvey,” Mike screamed. “I…I´m…I´m gonna…”

“Then do it!” Harvey hissed into Mike´s ear. With a shudder that went through his whole body Mike came, shooting his cum between him and Harvey. The way his body suddenly tensed around Harvey was what made the other man come as well. Wave after wave of pleasure shoot through him; the world could have ended right there and now and Harvey wouldn’t have noticed, riding the high he was currently on.

When he could finally breath again every bit of strength that had kept him upright suddenly left his body and Harvey could do nothing but sag down on Mike, the mixture of sweat and come on their chest gluing them together.

“That was…” Mike panted. “…unbelievable.”

“You could say, I´ve shook your whole world,” Harvey mumbled into Mike´s hair which only made the other man roll his eyes at him.

“We should clean up,” Mike commented as he ran his finger over Harvey´s sticky chest. “Definitely.”

* * *

The next day Harvey was woken by the sunlight slowly streaming through the blinds. He buried his head under his pillow and waited for sleep to take him again, but something didn’t let him. Harvey felt different, but he couldn’t quite pinpoint why. There was some sense of peace in his mind that had been missing before – some bone-deep ache suddenly having vanished – and Harvey feared that he would lose it should he open his eyes.

But there came a point when Harvey could no longer keep his eyes shut and the world away from him.

Harvey opened his eyes and looked at the man who he had spent the last night with.

Harvey opened his eyes and looked at Mike – blonde hair, cerulean eyes and thin lips – and smiled.

It was over.

But something different – _something better_ – had just begun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are love <3


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